Today was good because I went back to work and began the routines that I so desperately need, otherwise I feel like I am floundering right now. It was nice to have the weekend and the past few days to grieve this cycle, say goodbye to the beautiful blastocyst that our doctor was so proud of. Yet I just need motion again. To feel like I am moving forward, wherever that is.
My friend came into my classroom today. She knew about our ivf (but not using donor egg) and gave me the "well?" look. I shook my head no, "this one didn't work," I said. We were looking forward to possibly being pregnant together, as she is now 12 weeks along. Oh well. We still have our 2 frosties, our little specks of hope. I'm trying not to think about what happens next if they don't work out either.
I just said, "there's a plan for us, we just don't know what it is yet." She nodded in agreement. Her pregnancy was easily achieved, but she's had other losses in her life, like a divorce and the loss of her mother. I always try to find a balance in people's lives... maybe pregnancy was easily achieved for them because they already went through crap for something else before. Maybe this is my crap to wade through because I have had so many blessings up until now. I don't know if the universe works that way or not.
We got our bill today for Frosties' cryopreservation. Anything, anything for you my little ones.
But sometimes I wonder if our plan is to spend all this money elsewhere... like a nice vacation in the Virgin Islands.
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