This has been building inside me all week and I can't hold back any longer. This feeling of what I am missing out on. The experiences I don't get to have. It is all so unfair. I am so jealous...
I am so jealous of my cousin posting online that her daughter will be the big sister to a new little brother.
I am so jealous of families getting to watch the Olympics together and making memories together.
I am so jealous of all of the parents walking their kids down the street past my house towards the snow-hill on yet another snow day this winter. They will probably go back home and snuggle together under blankets and sip their hot chocolate together.
I am so jealous of the moms who get to kiss and cuddle their children and wish them a happy valentine's day this morning with candy hearts and heart shaped pancakes.
I am probably romanticizing this whole parenting thing a bit.
But these tears, these are what I have. These eggs, old and shriveled, this is what I have. These delays in my infertility treatments, this is what I have. This box full of unused medications leftover from so many procedures, this is what I have.
The love of an amazing husband and family, this is what I have. I give my love to my DH every day and yet, together we have so much more love to give.
I have one half of my broken heart. Who will bring me the other half? Will I ever get it back?
This grief, this is mine.